1, 2, 3, ...

It has been a long time since I last spent my new year's eve in the US - after Amsterdam, Singapore, and Bangkok the past 3 years - and being "home" after all provided a good occasion to reflect at this annual hallmark on what has been achieved and what to look forward to. Obviously I have done the year-end summary bit before Christmas, so it was natural that when the count-down finished, no more champagne, and the fireworks [were] through, all I thought of was what I would try to achieve in this new year.

Yet, as I was going down the 1, 2, 3 of 2010 goals, I was struck by a same pattern I had done things in 2009, 2008, and before that. At some level, it seemed that I had been creating some sort of list for everything I do: "Top 20 universities for graduate school," "Top 10 employers with GLBT-friendly policies," "Top 5 travel destinations," and then, "Top 100 qualities that I look for in a boyfriend." All along these lists have been manipulating my choice of action, crossing out prospects that do not make it to the top - including men who, in one way or another, fail to possess ALL those 100 qualities. (OK, so it's not really 100 - but a lot!). As I looked at a hot guy right next to me at the party, I was wondering if I were dating him, how long it would have taken me to find out his flaws and send him away. Just like my discussion on having plan B, in this case, it seemed that having a list is just as bad as not having one. For the clear orientation that a list provided, it could also too quickly reject prospects who might just be 1 or 2 errors shy from perfection.

Not compromising or settling for less than these lists has stuck with me for years - and as a new year rolled in, I just wish there would be someone special enough to make me feel like I were not compromising at all. Is that too much to ask?

Happy 2010 to everyone!


Credit: Hermes at lesailes.hermes.com