An apartment built for one....

In the blink of an eye, the year-end holidays are already around the corner. As David Archuleta's new Christmas album suddenly seems so fitting with popperies and bubbling hot cinnamon apple cider - a night at home or indoor is never better justified.

Speaking of home - I ended up not having to move any time soon until possibly next June when my contract is up for renewal. This continuation calls for some shake up in the interior decor, as the fickle me cannot stand living in the same "condition" for so long. There is no better time for such a make-over project, especially with the current of interior hunting among my dear DC friends, who have bookmarked websites such as Craigslist and made more trips to Marshalls, Tjmaxx, Homewood, and the like than grocery stores.

So as part of my interior design adventures, yesterday I passed through West Elm with Alan for, partially, him to check out furniture for his up-coming home office. Somewhere halfway through our shopping adventure, I had a distinctive unease - something half sadness, half anger, and topped by a grin of exhaustion. I couldn't name it or understand where it had come from, but it was lingering somewhere in the back of my mind.

Later, I went to Tim & Huong's for dinner and to check out their new pad. As I was listening to my friends' grand ideas and like-steal purchases, I got to pause for a few seconds to think about "home-making." More than putting pieces of furniture together according to some model home from Elle Decor or Architectural Digest, my friends are building a home for themselves, be it a cozy loveshack of Huong & Tim, a 2+ cohabitation of No&Toan, or an indoor-playground-included family of Diep&Phi. There's something there that fits them, that sparks love, that nurtures their relationship through fun, fights, and fears.

And then at that very moment, I realized what had struck me earlier that day - I was home-shopping with a man I was not building a home with - and the result not necessary a home, but a well-decorated space - for one. As Huong's earlier observation - "I think you always look for a big love!" - rang in my head, I shrugged at the long yearning for a home-building partner, with an air of exhaustion blanketing my mind.

I am never pessimistic - but there are just moments like this, when I look back, look again, and then just have to shake myself hard to regain the optimism to look ahead.

Photo credit: Fashionation - by Elle