Curiosity

As humans, we are born with curiosity.

Some people are constantly curious, such as my friend Alan who consistently looks up meaning of phrases or does basic info check on different things - an obsession that has been severed by the arrival of his IPhone. Some people are selectively curious, like myself for example - I only want to know certain things, and only do it when I have time.

Yet no matter what level of curiosity we have, there is always a topic that each and every one of us dies to know as much, if not everything, as possible – that is relationship. One date and all we can think of is how to get into the other’s head, exploring every single emotion and thought of ourselves that he/she may have had. There are thousands of questions are to be answered – while there’s no way to be asked. They creep into our head and haunt us for as long as we are still excited about the guy/girl. Recently I went on a date with this charming guy who I was very curious to learn more about. Somewhere between the gentleness of his kisses and the smoothness of his skin against mine, I felt indescribably comfortable and safe, like a haven of silky smooth cushions in which I crawled up and slept away. But as I left wanting more and more, my mind started to twirl with the thousands of questions which I bombarded on a common friend of ours. Questions like "What kind of guy is he?" "Is he worth pursuing?" and ultimately, “is he into me?” erupted like a volcano in our G-chat window as the charming gentleman texted me for a second date.

Such curiosity, however, was met by a harsh splash of cold reality – on which I will spare you the detail. Such disappointment, however, made me think of curiosity. We are living in an era of accessible information, when copyright-protected AI are easily cracked, when Google revolutionized the way we search for info, and when IPhone brings Google to any place with 3G connection. In such time when curiosity is so easily satisfied, does it oversupply information – including those we do not need to know?

Then I remember that it is us who choose our source of information and it’s my professors who always stressed the importance of primary sources. It is fine to be human. It is ok to be curious – but just have to make sure that we get the truest and most incredible source of the information inquired.

And just like that, I closed the g-chat window and texted a positive reply.

Photo credit: Curiosity by Jon Bertelli

Changing Season

It worked like clockwork.

No more sluggish August days. September suddenly came – and everything in Washington started running with high speed. Everyday there were several deadlines, which managed to punctuate the day in a fashion that guaranteed either a working lunch or a working through lunch. With such business, it was hard to find time to enjoy the cool breezes and the chilly temperature perfect for a light cotton cardigan.

Hidden by that sudden jolt of reality, it seems that Washingtonians are putting extra effort to find occasions for get-togethers, making sure that we get out as much as possible before the cold finally hits the city – from the institutionalized birthdays, housewarmings, welcome-back, good-byes (?!?!), to the random long-time-no-sees. My social calendar thus got a sudden boost of pride as I desperately need it to keep track of various types of engagements that I once thought I could keep all in my head.

Yet it is almost ironic that in the middle of this season, I started to feel the discomfort of being a social butterfly. With connections becoming more superficial from one event to another, I yearn for the cozy human contacts of close friends with whom I can share just about everything. It was suddenly dawned on me, however, that many of those are relocated to half-way around the world – and despite what we say about being only a phone call away, we are still half a world apart.

As a breeze naughtily blew through my collar, I shivered and thought of my friends, of our impromptu phone conferences, our own get-togethers, our special birthday presents, our road trips, and our special friendship. Out there in Hanoi, Saigon, Singapore, New York, or elsewhere, are you thinking the same?

Credit: Autumn Breeze - Kathryn Abernathy

Summer Fling

This past week, as Washington perseveres the late-summer humidity, it was dawned on me that the window for a summer fling is almost closed. With young interns packing up their belongings, the District waves goodbye to some beautiful summer memories - and yearns for the next May to come. In that spirit, I found it the perfect time to wrap up what was left from my summer romance and shrug off the dramas and baggages it carried.

It started out just glittery and romantic as those fireflies that sparkled the little trail from M Street to Georgetown when we walked through, hand in hand, starry eyes, and occasional kisses. He was so good on paper: 30, lawyer, avid runner, worldly and smart. Sure there were a few shortcomings. Sure he was not very much my physical type. But in some way, he was like a fedora - I knew it's not my style, but it was right there, so I tried it on anyway. Somehow throughout the improtu meet-ups and the abnormally frequent dates, the ideas of having him along was pleasant enough that it became almost like a bad habit - you know you should stop but it's too painful to go through the awkward conversation.

Yet as the summer gradually closed, I knew it was time to stop the realistically cruel romance when one night I painfully put on my shoes to go meet his friend in Georgetown. Sitting through what seemed to be an endless (or bottomless?) cup of coffee - I told myself it was too excruciating (and costly) to carry on. And I stopped it.

As I contemplated my summer and my fair share of summer flings, I couldn't help wondering why they have become so frequently addictive - is it because of the summer weather, an overly warming heart, or simply a groin in heat? It's hard to tell. But what is more mind-blogging is the gradually lessened degree of pain associating with it - I was heart-broken saying good-bye to Adrian, sad to see it ended with Gary, but this time, I only felt lightly regretful - without even knowing what I regretted about...

And then, suddenly, I realized that I was regretting the ability to feel crazy and angry, to feel the pain of a broken heart, of shattered memories. As we go through life and try to be stronger - there is just that little trade-off of becoming more jaded and cynical about life, about love, about others...

... or is it not so little at all?

Photo credit: Summer Fling by Megan Aroon Duncanson

family

I realized today that I don't blog about my family very often.

It's not a typical gay-son-distanced-from-his-family story. As a matter of fact, I love my family dearly, and probably even more since I left for school. Being far away from home, I hold on to only beautiful memories of my family members and cherish the little time we have together each year - even though at the end of each visit, I often feel like I've got enough of a family dose that can last well until the next one.

The reason for my revelation today is that I've been absolutely hooked on Brothers & Sisters. This show is beautiful put together and exploits to the core the family dynamics that everyone of us can identify with, be it the overly worried and boundary-blind mother; the subtly loving but equally secretive father; the other woman and her daughter who unavoidably take part in the whole family drama; and an uncle who struggles to have his own life outside of this dysfunctional family. Yet above that is the demonstrably immense love and support for each other of the siblings who share no secrecy, who fight like cats and dogs but always show up for each other when in need.

The series constantly evoked more beautiful memories of my family members - especially when I desperately needed help: my father worrily sitting at my bedside to attend to my fever, begging me to eat just another spoon of porridge; my mother making dozens of call to help me figuring out the bureaucracy of my scholarship; and my sister comfortly hugged me before I left the country and especially this summer, when she finally accepted me as who I am.

Yet, as much as I find strength and support from my family, I sometimes wonder if the family structure and its underlying Asian structure are always so supportive. First, the emphasis on maintaining an idealistic family structure can be doubly destructive. I feel that I was lucky to be born in such time when sending kids abroad was popular and feasible. Looking at my sister and her generation, when the common ideals were to get married, have a family and a stable government job, and survive the rest of your life. She didn't know, at the time, that she could dream of flying away, of experiencing different things. What I see in her family, as well as my cousins who still live at home, is solely a sense of surviving their life. That family pressure was imposed on them and finally coopted them into a prestructured life without much personal enjoyment. Of course, my sister may feel perfectly happy with her choice - I couldn't help wondering if she would have chosen something else if she were in my shoes, or even now, with exposure, albeit late, to different things.

Second, while providing an unequivocal safety net to family members, it can become a source of over dependency. As my friend Will explains it, a lot of young people in various countries across Asia live with their families, so their income can be spent on themselves. With that, they have less incentives to try harder to pursue something much bigger than a mediocre job. I find this relatively true for quite many people.

Yet, it is not an excuse to blame our families for everything. All these aside, family is still our eternal source of strength. I know mine is, for both me and my sister - especially in times like this when she needs more help than ever with her children. At the end of the day, when you know that there are people who love and support the you you are, it is truly an utmost comfort and luxury.

looking for the comfortable fit....

In these past few weekends, I have become quite resentful of packing overnight bags or for weekend trips. The truth is that I don't have a bag that is reasonably big for a lot of options - so I often find myself scratching my head, thinking of what to wear the following day(s). While convincing myself that the light bag will ultimately benefit my form in the long run, I often end up with more headache than needed, and definitely more late records at work.

I used to have this sturdy Ben Sherman weekender that was of just the perfect size - with every single feature you can imagine for a short weekend trip, such as designated compartments for toiletries and shoes - until my friend Dash broke it without replacement (Ehem!). Since then I have been looking for another that fits, and to my disappointment, I am faced with more annoyance and hassles before every single weekend trip.

I guess looking for a perfect fit is what we constantly do in life - something comfortable, like a keepall that can, well, keep all that we desire. Sometimes we know things don't fit just by looking, but most times, we often like to try them out - even though we many times we have to regretfully take all the stuff out and repack again. Relationships are just like that. Take my friend Viet, who we saw in Philadelphia. For years he bent himself backward, trying to fit into some conventionally expectation of a romantic partner with unexpected long-distance visits, romantic dinners accompanied by roses and piano recitals at luxury hotels, exclusive classical concerts, etc. They worked, to a certain extent, but those relationships never lasted, leaving him with quetions about his choice of girls. And then he met Minh - a down-to-earth girl with a lot of character and charms - and they fell in love just like that, organically and beautifully, without pretentious tactics. By staying true to himself, Viet has found a comfortable fit.

Is this process of constantly trying a nightmare? Yes, indeed, but at the end of the day, a perfect fit is most likely going to make us very happy. A sturdy bag carries a long way just like a fitting relationship that lasts for years... Just one thing though, a relationship carries with it a lot more emotional baggages than a bag (not that a bag doesn't come with emotional attachments, just less!) - how thick-skin can we be to constantly trying?

* Photo credit: Sir Sean Connery for Louis Vuitton - the new Waterproof Keepall.

A summer surprise in Chicago

I hadn't fully overcome my jetlag from the Asia trip when I boarded my UA flight to Chicago last Friday. But that exhaustion quickly disappeared as the summer breeze caressed my bare arms and kissed upon my cheeks. (My hair, thanks to good products, stay intact.)

In the summer, Chicago adorns a colorful outfit that glitters in the soft sunshine. For a few warm months of the year, Chicagoans can spend as much time outdoor as humanly possible - and that's exactly what they do: lying on the grass, playing in the park, showering under the water fountain, or best, eating outdoor. Chicago has a great number of excellent restaurants that pleasantly surprise their patrons. Two of my most favorites include:

* Ralph Lauren's RL Bar & Grille

The vision and decor of Ralph Lauren compliment the classic all-American cuisine served by waiters wearing polo-embroidered shirts and stripe ties. The salon has several luxurious leather armchairs that you just want to sink into and spend an indefinite amount of time reading books, or admiring the beautiful photos artfully hanged on the wall.

* Le Colonial

This upscale French-Vietnamese restaurant captures the beauty, romance, and spirits of the French colony in the 1920s with floor-to-ceiling French windows, lush potted palm and banana trees, brick tiled ceiling, and nostalgic black-and-white photos of Saigon in the early century. The food is delicious and relatively authentic, which will take your mind out of both place and time.

But the most pleasant surprise of all has to be the new $300bn Modern Wing of the Art Institute of Chicago, which is interestingly connected to the Millenium Park by a long upward bridge. Designed by Pritzker Prize–winning architect Renzo Piano, the Modern Wing with its light-color wood and white interior provides a refreshing home for the museum’s collection of 20th- and 21st-century art. A true must-see!

And just like that, I carry those beautiful memories back to work - longing for the next visit out to the midwest....

Beijing - a new land of fantasy?

I took 3 days in Beijing on my way to Hanoi, and let me tell you, it’s a fascinating time to be in Beijing right now.

I didn’t just say that out of the ostentatious level of wealth possessed by some Chinese families these days, even though I was absolutely surprised, and rather annoyed, by the number of kids running around and crying in the Business Class cabin.

I didn’t just say that out of the somewhat expected degree of pollution, either, even when it really brought the worst out of some people, such as my Singaporean friend Selina, who uncharacteristically swore at everything, from her uncontrollably frizzy hair to Chinese rudeness.

Beijing is fascinating because of its burgeoning art scene. From beautiful architectures to a vibrant art community filled with amazing galleries and hard-working art dealers, it’s no better place to be than in the Chinese capital. Indeed, a friend of mine quitted her job in New York to work for an art gallery in the 798 art zone. Now she no longer spends sleepless nights to meet deadlines but surfs from one gallery opening to another meeting with art patrons. Dressed in style, surrounded by a beautiful art crowd, she never felt more alive.

And so do art lovers such as myself – or anyone with a tiny bit of appreciation for beautiful grand things. As I strolled through contemporary exhibitions and admired bold, iconic infrastructures, I was taken to a land of fantasy, where the dreams of becoming bigger, better, and more beautiful are woven and realized at a speed that, well, could very much be as fast as their economic growth.

But art can even offer a better escape. In a country where Facebook is blocked, artists are apparently left relatively free to express their point of view, even their criticism of the government. As my Chinese art dealing friend explained to me, Chinese artists are still testing the water to see where the boundaries are… As a country in transition, both the government and its citizens still have to see where to draw the appropriate line… but exactly for that reason, art is blooming in some very unexpected directions.

Just try to avoid the summer, but otherwise, go see it for yourself.