To Hoa.
Fall sneaked up on me – somewhere between a labor-intensive task of building a meticulous work plan and a capital-exhaustive period of social events – as a chilly wind blew into my face and made me hold on to the light-weight scarf to which I had never attributed any warmth-generating value. Despite its endless sun-filled weekends, somehow this Fall season brought to me a perpetual sense of emptiness – as if every last drop of sunshine had been taken away from me.
Or had it really?
This Fall season was a time for me to say goodbye to you, Hoa. Even though I had known this day would come, it still hit me. Hard. The pain it brought, albeit not overpowering or overwhelming, bitterly munched on my defenseless mind. Within seconds I received the news, I was left feeling numb, trying to find a word to describe or an emotional outlet to just break down and cry – but instead, I just fell completely empty.
Hoa – I wanted to write how much this occasion was meant to “bring together hearts, hugs and memories from across the globe – in celebration of your life and all that you have given to us,” and that we would be able to draw strength from your inspirations, and the community you had created. But the truth was that to me, you were not some inspirational Goddess that I turned to learn how to live my life. We have shared even our darkest secrets, and I have loved you for that. You were one of my best friends, and a part of my life that no hearts or hugs would ever make me feel enough.
As sunrays continued to glaze the beautiful color-changing leaves, this emptiness would be eventually forgotten for the work, mission, social events, and many things in my life – but I knew it would always be there, just as my love for you.
May you rest in peace.
Photo Credit: deviantart.com
